How to Find Success: Stop Trying to Stop

Trying to lose, drop, shed, shake, get rid of something? 

Finding success?

Unless you’re trying to lose your mind, my guess is no.

Success is to be gained. It is found by rising up, moving forward, shifting, growing, grasping.

You can try to lose weight, shake off a poor partner, shed the feeling of depression, drop anxiety like a rock in the deep sea.

But what if it doesn’t happen for you?

Often you end up losing the wrong things: hope, energy, willpower, faith, self-esteem.

You might resign to an idea that this is just who you are and you can’t do this. It’s just too hard, impossible, or not how your cards were dealt.

The problem isn’t about you not being good enough, not being disciplined enough, not being capable of more.

The problem is in setting the wrong goals. Stop trying to stop.

Start reaching towards what you truly desire. 

Example 1:

In a bad relationship this might look like seeking to revive what was good in the beginning; or it might look like seeking what the bad relationship has been holding you back from. I don’t mean seeking another person. I mean working towards other goals in your life,  developing a spiritual connection, rekindling family relationships or neglected friendships. 

These actions could help you find the strength and motivation to move on from the relationship.

So, instead of telling yourself, “I’ve got to get out of this,” try saying, “I’m going to work on flourishing relationships that really matter.”

Example 2:

In work or business, whether it’s in an office or around the house, consider breaking big projects into smaller tasks that you can lay out and schedule little by little, day by day. Big pictures can be overwhelming and lead to procrastination, and then you’ll be fighting yourself to stop procrastinating.

Instead, find small steps you can take that will lead you and keep you motivated to stay heading towards the finish.

Example 3:

Not losing weight? 

First of all, stop insulting yourself. Try honoring yourself and your body because of what you can do and set goals for more. 

If you can get up off the floor, that’s golden. Now maybe you add a five minute walk to that. If you can’t, well that’s a great place to start. Stand next to a sturdy couch and go from standing to sitting on the floor to standing. Do it once, then try twice tomorrow. Then try adding that five minute walk. 

If your working out and not seeing results maybe it’s time to try something new, like a power yoga class, high intensity interval training, swimming, biking or running. Consider how you could enhance your routine, make exercise more fun, or get out in nature more instead of berating yourself for missing gym sessions or not exercising “enough”. Less can be more.

If you eat one vegetable every day, celebrate that and try making it two a day. If you don’t, well there’s another great place to start. Find one vegetable you like—there’s got to be one. Eat it every day, maybe raw one day, steamed the next, sautéd the next. Then experiment with one more for a while. Find amazing recipes to get you excited about eating more vegetables. Instead of depriving yourself of certain food groups you really love or restricting your eating altogether, look for better cooking methods and recipes, like steaming or roasting more than frying, making homemade versions of favorite processed foods. Make it a challenge to find the best copycat recipes for processed, packaged foods or restaurant favorites.

Example 4:

Trying to pull yourself out of a bout of depression? That can seem impossible. 

But how about trying to make one small tug up the rope. One step outside, one short drive to see something beautiful, one song from an uplifting playlist. No expectations, no pressure to “feel better”,  just a step to see if the water might feel a little nicer than you thought it would.

If it’s stress or anxiety that’s got a hold on you, take one deep breath and try to remember what’s most important to you rather than focusing on what you fear. Remind yourself that you are strong, courageous and capable. You are! Believe it.

Believe in yourself and your ability to move forward. It doesn’t matter if you take tiny steps or big leaps. What matters is that you don’t hold yourself back. Don’t keep yourself stuck seeking all or nothing, defaulting to defeat. 

If you’re wishing, hoping, wanting, then there is no nothing. There is something. It may seem out of reach, but you may just need a tool, a step-stool, some encouragement, something different you haven’t tried yet. But there is something and there is a way. And it is worth striving for. You are worth another try, perhaps a new approach, maybe a new perspective.

If you want more help with setting the right goals and intentions for different areas of your life, you’ll definitely want to check out my free Holistic Wellness Inventory and Goal Setting Worksheet. It will provide you a casual, fun way to assess, celebrate and set goals for your life.

Thanks for reading. I hope you’ll grab that guide and start making POSITIVE shifts for yourself.