8 Ideas for a New Year’s Release

The coming of a new year always brings about contemplation for me.

Does it do that for you, too?

For many of us, New Year’s resolutions don’t work. They don’t feel inspiring — they feel heavy. Like another reminder of what we didn’t do well enough last year, or another attempt to force ourselves into change through pressure and self-criticism.

Over the years, I’ve gotten better about celebrating wins and achievements, instead of scolding myself about unmet goals and aspirations as much as I did when I was younger. And several years ago, I switched from declaring new year resolutions to choosing a word of the year.

You can read more about choosing a word of the year in this blog post: “Word Up—Find Your Word; Find Your Way”

This year I’ve decided that I need a release. There is something I need to let go of, and I’ll share that with you at the end of this post.

First, I want to invite you to join me in my release. A release isn’t about giving up or lowering your standards. It’s about letting go of the internal weight that quietly drains your energy and keeps you stuck. This year, instead of resolving to do more, I’m choosing to put something down.

In this post I’ve written about eight things that I believe hold us back in life. Read through them now, and see which ones you might need to release.

Then, choose one of these ideas, and join me in letting go of some emotional weight this year!

Should-haves

The stories we replay that convince us we failed when we were actually learning..

Should-haves are burdensome, and they are not motivational at all. If you are approaching the new year replaying memories of times you didn’t choose well, push yourself hard enough, say the “right” things, or take the best routes, it’s time to stop punishing yourself.

You can’t shame yourself into being a better person. Continuing to see yourself as someone who is lacking, falls short, or should have done better is setting yourself up for more discouragement and self-doubt.

Life is full of forks in the road, twists and turns we can’t foresee, mountains we may not reach the top of. Experiences in our lives can come out in so, so many different ways.

Thank goodness!

I don’t want to live a boring life without options and surprises, even if some of those surprises won’t be pleasant. And not every mountain has a view for me….or for you.

That’s ok.

So….allow yourself to let go of the should-have stories keeping you from looking forward. Stop overlooking or devaluing your past successes because of some slips. Drop the self-criticism.

Then offer yourself forgiveness. Recognize your good heart and positive intentions moving forward. Release the should-haves this year!

Resentments

Do you feel like your insides might explode the next time someone asks for ONE MORE thing from you?

Are you feeling unnoticed or unappreciated? Maybe left out of the fun, too?

Is it difficult for you to voice your opinions or dare mention your own needs?

And what about boundaries? Do they even exist for you?

Three yes’s and a no?

Then you’re likely harboring resentment. And it’s time to let it go.

How?

First, congratulate yourself for all of your hard work and generosity. Validate your past choices to do so much, because you’re a loving, kind, giving person.

Second, assure yourself that voicing your opinions and desires isn’t selfish. Asking for help isn’t self-indulgent or a sign of weakness. These things open doors for connection among partners, friends and support systems.

Finally, establish healthy boundaries for yourself moving forward so that you can continue serving and giving from a place of love and avoid new resentments building up.

Social Validation Seeking

Constantly trying to live up to the highlight reels…

It’s lovely to receive compliments and to be honored for accomplishments. It’s even more grand to FEEL really good about yourself and your pursuits though, isn’t it?

Perhaps this year you need to consider what in your life truly lifts you up, and what just makes you look good in others’ eyes.

Stop performing and trying to match all the highlight reels on social media. Stop running up credit cards and living above your means to impress others. Quit the unfulfilling job that keeps others admiring you but is killing you slowly. Limit your time on social media if you feel addicted to the social validation or often sink into a hole full of comparison.

This year, release your need for so much external validation, and instead seek to connect more with your hidden desires and things that light up your soul. Become enamored with setting and achieving goals for yourself that bring personal satisfaction. Enjoy some beautiful experiences WITHOUT taking pictures.

What skills have you stored away on a shelf because you were afraid you couldn’t impress someone else enough? Is there a hobby that you have given up for fear of being teased? What longing do you hide because it won’t create viral ripples?

Get back into these things so you can get to back to you.

And seek your own kudos. Give yourself thumbs ups, hearts and positive comments every day.

What-ifs From the Past

Breakups, job changes, optional life paths…

I LOVE daydreaming, but let’s focus our dreams on the future.

You’ll always remember a few good things about that partner you gave the boot. You’ll always have visions of both paths that you had to choose between. It’s normal to wonder what might have been.

But these things don’t mean you should reconsider those decisions or second-guess yourself.

Please don’t linger in the past. There’s so much more to come for you….I know it!

Free yourself from the pain that comes from longing for what wasn’t meant to be. Stop romanticizing what is holding you back from experiencing and continuing to seek joy and pleasure here and now.

Do ask “what if” for the FUTURE.

What if you took a chance on starting something new, opened yourself up to someone new, or cleared space for a new beginning? What if you started a business or took on a new hobby?

If you wonder if you could have been a rock star, pick up that guitar again and have some fun. Take care of unfinished business so you can let go of old attachments and see what might be.

Avoidance

Sometimes detachment can feel so easy…

Do you avoid relationships? Have you built walls around yourself? Are you severely trying to protect yourself? Do you stay away and make strong claims about your introverted side?

This delusion of being in control and clinging to self-sufficiency isn’t going to bring safety or comfort. It’s going to bring loneliness; and it costs you more than it protects you.

You’re depriving yourself of connection and all emotional experience. If you try to avoid feelings of sadness or being hurt by keeping everyone at a distance, remaining superficial in conversations, or supressing your intimate feelings you will also deprive yourself of happiness.

Perhaps you think happiness can’t last, so it’s better to just live without it anyway.

If that’s true, then what you really need to detach from is expectation.

So let go of detachment and open up to experiences, invitations, and deeper interactions….without expectation and only with curiosity. Open up to possibilities of joyful interactions and relationships that may or may not last, knowing you will always be okay. Because you will!

Fear

What did you say “no” to last year because it seemed too scary or too risky? If it’s still on your mind, maybe it’s a chance worth taking.

This one resonates with me because I’m always a little fearful about trying something new or stepping outside the box. But I ALWAYS feel called to do something against the norm. It took me years to get over my fears around starting a private counseling and coaching practice. Why leave a secure corporate job? Who would walk away from a consistent paycheck to have to learn marketing, advertising, and all the other things that go along with running a personal business?

Me! I would.

And I’m so, so glad that I stepped out of my comfort zone and created a business where I can serve others, find personal fulfillment, and help support my family.

Here’s the first thing I figured out:

Those questions above weren’t really coming from me; they were coming from voices in my head influenced by fear of what others would say or ask. I held myself back way too long because of fear.

Don’t do the same thing. Let that fear go.

You don’t have to throw caution to the wind or make huge leaps. But be bolder. Stop stalling and settling for less because you’re afraid.

Do your research and gather resources. Then take small steps out of unsatisfactory situations and into more desirable ones.

Allow yourself to sit with uncertainty around circumstances and outcomes but WITH certainty around yourself and your survival.

Speak up, ask for what you want, make a bold move, initiate something you desire. Focus on possibilities and what you could LEARN to improve your chances even more if you need to take another shot at something.

And remember this quote by Sahara Rose from Highest Self Podcast: “Even a wrong decision creates an opening. No matter what happens, there is always a next step.” (quoted from memory and may not be exact words—but damn good advice)

Bottled Up Emotions

Burying ourselves in work, forcing ourselves to bite bullets, insisting that we keep trucking along…

Some of my clients kept so much inside for so long before working with me. They wanted to avoid seeming needy, weepy or vulnerable in their relationships. Or they didn’t know how to express themselves in healthy ways.

Do you also keep your hurts, anger or other feelings inside, trying to appear strong, or trying to make yourself believe you’ll be fine?

When you were growing up, did someone tell you that you shouldn’t show emotions?

Most people find that keeping strong emotions inside backfires. You can become consumed by them, or they could spill out when you don’t expect them to….in ways that you would never want them to.

Maybe it’s time to release the cap off the bottle….loosen your armor a bit.

A good place to start: Share positive feelings more often.

Then maybe tell someone some small grievance you feel, admit that you don’t like something, or ask for something you would like.

You don’t have to pour it all out at once. Small steps will help you start to feel some release.

Passivity

Letting life just happen…

Do you frequently regret not taking an action? Has your life been a series of missed opportunities?

Do you usually stick with what feels comfortable or just drift without thinking of doing anything differently?

How many friendships or romantic relationships have slipped by because you put off making connections or sat back and waited for someone else to make moves?

Doing nothing can feel easier than pursuing something. But don’t let yourself fall into a passive and unsatisfying life.

Right now, think of one thing you would like to have in your life. What would it feel like to set and achieve a goal….to actively pursue something you desire and care about?

Again, you don’t have to make a huge leap. Just decide to let go of your passivity, and open yourself up to living with a little more intention.

Decide that you will not let so many things pass you by, and that you WILL step up and go after things you want.

What I’m Releasing This Year

I’m releasing fear. I want to step up more boldly in my life, speak up more, take more chances….stop sitting so far back in the lineup, waiting for my turn….for just the right opportunity. I want to push myself to seek more and go for more.

This doesn’t require a dramatic declaration or a perfectly worded intention. Just honesty and willingness.

Want to join me?

What will you release this year? How could I help you?

Send me an email, and I’ll send you some loving encouragement and support.