Tips for Couples During Lockdown

How are you and your partner handling home-bound orders?

My husband and me? We are homebodies for the most part and spend a lot of time together with our son on a tiny sailboat. I won’t say, however, that this world pandemic hasn’t affected us, or that we absolutely love increasing our time together to 24/7.

I will say that we have fared well, and I have had more opportunities to practice what I preach. (Well, I don’t preach…at all, but you get it, right?)

What I do is help couples paint their homes; and I slip with my own brush sometimes, too. We have our ups and downs just like any other couple.

Here are some prompts that I’ve come up with to redirect myself lately when I’ve felt frustrated, not just with my husband, but with my son and any negativity I encounter. I hope you’ll find them helpful as well.

We’re all in this together, right? Let’s not be in it fighting.

Prompts to Help You Redirect Your Frustration:

1. Recognize and consider other pressures imposed on you and/or your partner.

Neither of you have a commute home from work to decompress; extended family members might be more needy than usual; friends might be more dependent without other social interaction—these factors can affect your interactions.

You might have to exercise a little more tolerance, acceptance, and faith in your relationship.

2. Decide to have a talk, but only tackle ONE topic.

I know it may seem like you should get it all out, but if you try it that way you might just overwhelm each other and see your problems as too big to handle.

Working on ONE thing could change EVERYTHING!

Working on EVERYTHING at once could change your last name or address or whatever other changes associate with a break-up or divorce.

3. Approach the talk with problem-solving in mind.

Accusations, complaints, and extreme statements such as ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ will only lead to defensiveness. Those terms are used to make a point, but really only make a divide.

Instead, get clear on how you feel and what you need and make statements accordingly.

For example, instead of: ‘You never play with the kids’…or…’You don’t care how I feel about your never-ending conference calls’… you might say, ‘I am getting worn out and need you to take the kids out for a walk (or… a stroll, to a park, fishing, for a drive, or to grab pizza from a drive through, etc.)’.

Think about what your problem is with those conference calls. Do you miss your partner? Are you afraid he is extending calls to avoid you? Are you missing out on work because you constantly have kid duty while your partner’s business thrives?

Those are the statements you make. Real concerns. Real issues for which you CAN find solutions together.

4. Use time-outs when it gets too heated.

If you can’t ease into an argument, or if the talk starts to go badly, agree to put it aside and try again later. Concur that you will approach the topic again in a couple hours, tomorrow, or in a few days, and give each other some space to cool down and reflect on the issue.

This strategy is crucial for me. My mind can run amuck, and I need time to collect my thoughts and figure out what I really want (see #3) so my mouth doesn’t do the same.

5. One last tip: Agree that you will only fight when you are naked, or showering, or holding each other.

Think I’m crazy? Try it! Let me know how it goes.

You might also like:

10 Ways to Rev Up Your Relationship